cease(less)

I am struck by the waves. I am swept off the shore into the waters of emotional upheaval, unable to find my footing even though still shallow enough to stand. I kick my feet and gulp for air as anger, frustration, and anxiety hit with a crash and pull me under. I know my gasps are extraneous, but knowing doesn’t stop the feelings of panic over the loss of control. I am also well aware of the absurdity; drowning in the shallow end of my emotions.

An often-overlooked symptom of ADHD is emotional dysregulation, or the inability for me to control or “regulate” my emotions in proportion to my environment. Being able to regulate emotion is what would normally allow me to calm down or think rationally through a decision, despite my emotional state. Without it, I sometimes struggle to contain my emotions and I become overwhelmed by sudden swells of sadness, anger, or excitement. These swells also don’t recede as quickly as normal, making it more difficult for me to calm myself and focus on tasks and events outside the emotional trigger.

I, like many others with ADHD, am aware of my potential emotional instability. However, my self-awareness doesn’t stop it from occurring. If anything, it can become more frustrating because I know my reaction is disproportionate to the situation but I am helpless to stop it. This frustration leads to self-anger, which further pulls me into the depths of my own emotional upheaval.

I know firsthand that patience and empathy can be a sandbar to someone who is flooded by emotions of anger, frustration, excitement or anxiety. Societal expectations can pressure us with ADHD to stifle our emotions in order to maintain a status quo and avoid causing discomfort to others. By validating our emotions and allowing us the room to express ourselves (in a healthy manner) we can better navigate our response without additional guilt and shame and safely find our way back to the shore.